Supporting the Child: Preacher’s Child
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
When you hear the “Preachers child” what comes to your mind? Is it a child growing in a strict atmosphere or home to be direct? Who is a preacher’s child? A Preacher’s kid is a term to refer to a child of a preacher, pastor, deacon, vicar, lay leader, priest, minister or other similar church leader. Although the phrase can be used in a purely descriptive way, it may also be used as a stereotype.
Growing up as a minister’s child, I grew up with a lot of rules as you can imagine. Rules just as much as the ten commandments given to Moses but a bit longer. They increased as I grew up. Just to mention a few; no alcohol in this house, no smoking of any kind, don’t sneak around with boys, bring your friends home, be kind at all times, loving at all cost, forgiving no matter what, sex is an act of worship which when done out side of marriage it becomes a worship to Satan etc. Sounds familiar? It is nothing out of this world, believe me, a lot of ministers children will attest. The ones before us and after us will experience same, some even worse.
Don’t get it all mixed up, my parents were able to balance it. My deviant attitude was due to a line up of failed attempts to make my dreams true. The devil thought he could frustrate me out of my destiny but thanks to God. What are your excuses? Why have you turned your back against God? Back to my parents! Mum and Dad were able to balance their many rules by, exhibiting love and a visible sacrifice in the way they give. They practiced what they preached.
It can be overwhelming I know, but worth it. The whole world have their high expectations of you, they often times are unforgiving of your mistakes, these selfish expectations unfortunately becomes a reason for developing feelings of isolation and inner conflict as a result. Parental workload (which, by definition, includes working on the weekend) may also be a source of stress. Some writers suggest that there is a “preacher’s kid syndrome”, in which children of clergy reject religion and the church. According to Wikipedia, there are two different stereotypes of the preacher’s kid: in one, they are perfectly angelic role models, in the other they are rebels at the opposite extreme. The existence of these stereotypes is a source of pressure on children of clergy.
Don’t get exhausted. God understands and is fine with your stumble if only you would accept and follow Him genuinely. Listen if these rules are not outside of the command that you should love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and might, then you are safe. You have nothing to lose but gain. Stay in there adhere to the discipline, you will be grateful one day you did.
Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
“Proverbs 1: 8-9
I know those who did not grow up with minister’s as parents wouldn’t understand how hard it can be sometimes when these ministers are a kind of parents who are extreme and don’t live their lives according to the will of God. It could push a child into constant lying, judging and deadly social ills. Ministers have to understand to bring up their children with love as the motivation, not shame, fear and regrets. Training and grooming a child from the place of love and rest go a long way. Loving communication also some strokes of Kaine, does much good, than insult and judgement. On a more positive side Children of clergy may be more exposed than their peers to the defining events of life. Former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown recalled that he learned much about life, death, poverty, injustice and unemployment as the son of a Church of Scotland minister. These truths help groom them into sensitive and reasonable adults the pair community look up to.
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4
“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
Colossians 3:29
A lot of children consistently lie, so they are accepted by their parents, unfortunately this is how a life of falsehood begins. They are more afraid to offend there parents, than God. This type of discipline is not balanced. If they are thought to accept and love the Lord personally, then that is enough, it is God who does the conviction and sanctification, He is also faithful to watch over them, motivating them to stay in Him .
Teach them love by being loving. Teach them discipline by being disciplined, teach them faithfulness by being faithful to God. Teach them faith by believing in God and totally depending on him. Communicate with them. Listen and pay attention to what they are not saying. Be patient. Bring them in God’s way, believe God to do the rest. They are His after all, not yours. walk in love towards them and for them.
From my own experience growing up, when I decided to make wrong choices, it was the remembrance of their affection, kindness and sacrifice that always brought me back home. I remember Mum will always say, it doesn’t matter how far you have veer off, I remain your mother. It is so profound what they were able to impact within me that even now that I have my own family it still makes a positive impact.
They want to sing hip-hop, go out get them Christian hip pop or any type of genre. These Christian born again artist are specially called and taught by the Holy Spirit to minister to your special child. The messages in the songs will motivate and make them desire a more deeper relationship with God. Within these poetic lines are Bible truths that has been prayed upon. Trust God enough to point them towards Jesus Christ believing the Holy Spirit will lead them right while you cover them with your loving prayers.
All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. “Isaiah 54:13 There’s a saying that rings true for all parents: Having a child is like having your heart walking around outside of your body. As any mother or father knows, the process of raising a child is rich with emotions, uncertainties, joys, and sorrows. Whether you’re a parent, expectant parent, or grandparent, there’s an endless well of comfort, advice, and to be found in the Bible. After all, we’re all children of God, so it’s no surprise His Word is full of parenting wisdom, and understanding, when it comes to the unconditional love (and, also: the worrying, discipline, second-guessing…) that goes into caring for another human.
How can the church support or Minister to the child of the clergy instead of gossip or judgement ?
1. Encourage and pray for your minister to put his family first being an example for the church.
2. Treat both your minister and his wife with love and respect. Most kids believe their parents to be the greatest! Their relationship with them is often the basis for their relationship with the heavenly Father. It’s amazing how many ministers’ kids become disillusioned with God because of the way the church treated their parent. I for one attest to feeling bitter in the past.
3. Permit your minister’s kids to be humans, just like your own kids. Let them have good days and bad days. They enjoy some things more than others. They want to be treated like the rest of the group.
4. Offer a helping hand. Show them extra love? Offer to sit with your minister’s family when needed. Offer to be adopted grandparents. Every kid needs to be spoiled rotten by their grandparents, yet many of our ministers’ kids live a long way from their extended family and don’t get that opportunity. Give gifts that include your minister’s kids.
5. Recognize the kids’ sacrifice to the church. On special occasions, celebrations, milestones, and anniversaries, acknowledge the entire family’s service and sacrifice. Kids often share their parent during evenings and weekends because of church ministries and needs. Recognize and appreciate their part in ministry. Talk with the kids about themselves. Make your minister’s kids feel valued.
From one preacher’s child to another, I love you, I understand and soon you will come into your calling victoriously.
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